Memorial Day got very confusing this year. The day was originally set aside in 1868 to honor soldiers, both the Union and Rebel fighters, and we still do that.

But, the day's morphed into something else in 2004. Now, it's the beginning of the "summer driving season," a kind of homage to the economy and whomever or whatever controls that. Please this entity, and live cheaply the rest of the year.

Even the traditional honorariums held all over the country were overshadowed this year by the behavior of a few soldiers, maybe their commanders, too, at a prison in Iraq holding we're not sure what in the way of enemies and friends.

We are caught up in a fuss growing in bitterness that pits those who read the instructions to Levite priests of 6,000 years ago and those who think there's not that much wrong with loving a person of the same sex.

Soldiers today can get a medal for killing a dozen of the enemy, but a dishonorable discharge for openly expressing physical love for one of the friends.

We have a president who speaks almost exclusively to military audiences about things such audiences are ready to applaud, thinking, it appears, that the applause will bring the rest of us into line.

Of course, George Bush's presidency is a victim of the times. He is down in the knee-jerk polls on how the war's being conducted, so he comes up with a 5-point plan to fix things. None of the points is new, none is very realistic, because the situation in Iraq changes hourly.

Changing the violent clashes of centuries in the Middle East, most of them based in the truths of several faiths, to a civil and orderly system of debates and compromises, can almost never be done with soldiers.

Bush's opponents are equally in the dark. They yell for detailed plans, but such details are not and cannot be the outcome in such a confused clash, as the one in Iraq is and has been since it began.

Typical of the times, though, Bush changed the emphasis from the current bog of Iraq to the war on terrorism.

Shortly after his speech to the military, Bush's FBI director and his Justice Department chief, held a press conference warning of imminent terrorists attacks on the U.S.

Planned good usually turns out bad

The attacks were unspecific, the color of the alert system wasn't changed, and the Bush chief of Homeland Security wasn't even there for the briefing.

It looks as though the FBI director and Justice Department chief are trying to please the boss and maybe get a better job in the next Bush administration.

The public is scratching its head and saying, "Huh?" This isn't how an administration is supposed to work; this is how a gang works.

The terrorist attack did come a few days later, but it was in Saudi Arabia and directed at foreigners working at an oil refinery. This wasn't mentioned in the press conference, even as a possibility.

Terrorists mean to confuse, and they can't do that without surprise. The phenomenon sprang up in confusion on the part of their enemies, and flourishes in the disunity and lack of focus left in its wake.

The confusion extends to the entire presidential campaign. In a country that's split 49 to 49 percent, the Democrats find themselves doing confusing things, too.

The obvious Democrat candidate John Kerry couldn't be overly critical of Bush, since he voted in the Senate for the Iraq liberation or occupation (depending on your point of view today), so he sends out Al Gore to give a scathing speech, as only he can do.

With such a narrow split among voters this year, neither candidate can say very much. This trap forces both of them to appeal to the fringes, so the confusion about what they're saying and not saying is likely to continue.

It seems too much to hope for, this waiting for a leader to emerge and bring us together, that ringing phrase used last by a president who resigned in disgrace.

Get a grip would seem to be a better message to send ourselves. If leaders remain what they recently have been -- better at followship than leadership -- there is no choice but for the public to fix itself.

How that's to be done is a lot simpler than it appears to be. It involves falling back on some tried and true basics:

Live and let live, or do to others what you'd want them to do to you.

Build bridges. It takes a little time, but what's the rush? Don't we have enough rushing?

Live life instead of surfing life. It starts with a simple question: Will I be proud of what I'm doing this moment when I'm 90 years old and look back?

Never judge your efforts based solely on the number of people who came out to watch you do it.

Never get into the downward spiral of needing entertainment. We are bored because we're boring.

When work is easy, it's time to find work. And do a few things every day in which no one except yourself knows you did it.

Spend more time doing something than you spend planning to so something.

Be less accessible and more available.

Strategy should never be allowed to substitute for effort.

Every liberal thinks he's an enlightened conservative and every conservative thinks he's an enlightened liberal. That cancels out both.

Fear opens the door to every sin.

Enough of that. Should hold us for a while, though. It might even get us back to some kind of unfractured approach to living out our time.

Of course, it's only what we do that counts, so it would be nice if we could next year get back to just memorials on Memorial Day, a time and place in which memorials are deserved and don't find themselves just another activity in a plethora of competing activities.

Maybe we shouldn't schedule a day at all. Schedules tear us up.